


I'm Still Here

by heda_is_life



Series: Don't Let Me Go [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa Week 2018, Fluff and Smut, LGBTQ Character, Lesbian Character, Multi, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-07-04 17:06:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15845631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heda_is_life/pseuds/heda_is_life
Summary: Continuation of "Are You in There?" that starts with Clarke seven months away from coming home. Slow burn, but totally worth it;)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am back and ready to frustrate everyone one of you!!! Just kidding, I love you all, but please bear with me. I'm going to college to be a lawyer so life is a constant rush. Anyway, I love you all!! Hope you enjoy this sneak peak into what is to come!!

Two months, it had been two months since Clarke last saw her friends and family. Lexa and her mom visited when they could, but now that softball season had started back, Lexa’s visits were few and far between. And for her mother, well she could only take so many days off from saving lives. That didn't stop them both from calling every single day to check in and make sure she was okay. 

Practice was apparently getting harder and harder now that Kane had quit and left the team to Titus. She didn't blame Kane, him and her mom were gettin pretty serious and he was tired of living off Abby’s income. So, he quit teaching and finally sat down to finish his dissertation for his Ph. D. in business.

He now had his own indoor sports complex that had an indoor softball field, basketball courts, and soccer field. The grand opening was yesterday and Clarke made Lexa facetime her so she could see him cut the ribbon. 

The idea of Clarke actually liking Kane as a, soon to be, step-father, had once been the most terrifying thing to think about. Now, it wasn't such a bad thought. He had never tried to replace Jake or fill his shoes. 

Kane would always say, “You’re father’s shoes are entirely too big for me to even try on. I’m here whenever you need me, but I will never try to dictate how you live  _ your _ life.” Clarke would remember that statement everytime he said something too “dad like” or told her to be careful in the “wild wild west.” 

He had even called late one night just to make sure Clarke was asleep. When she didn't answer his call, which she always did unless she was asleep, he left a voicemail telling her how important it is that she gets a good amount of rest. 

Now that she was NASA camp, or whatever you want to call it, she rarely ever got a good night's rest. No matter how many herbal supplements Clarke took, it was impossible for her to fall asleep. 

Lexa would call her every night and they would talk for hours until she hung up with a, “You’re sleep deprived, go to bed, I love you.” The thing was, she couldn't sleep because she worried that if she did, she would dream about Lexa. 

Not that it’s a bad thing to dream about her smoking hot girlfriend, it was just difficult to wake up to nothing more than NASA nerds, as she called them. Seriously though, those people eat, drink, and sleep NASA. 

Yeah, she enjoyed astronomy, loved it more and more everyday, but there is such thing as too much. NASA nerds had no limitations, they were constantly in the observatory or lab testing samples and seeing if they can find a new constellation.

Which brought her back to the original reason she accepted Nyko’s offer to drop everything and leave home. She only had five more months to get the board to approve her idea of adding just one more constellation. 

Clarke had had just over seven months to work all the kinks out of her idea. Now she had five months to prepare a kick ass speech to get the big wigs on the same page as her. It seemed near impossible after she met them for the first time. 

After spending seven months with them almost everyday, it just seem very unlikely...but possible. No matter what, she tried her hardest and will continue to try her hardest to see this through. She’d steal a fucking rocket ship herself if necessary.  

Anyway, off the crazy train, she had  _ another _ lecture to prepare herself for. She felt like she was sitting outside the principal’s office and all the kids were walking by looking at her as if she was a murderer, wondering how long she was going to get. 

I mean c’mon people, don't you have a life? Get a move on! 

That’s what she wanted to say, all she actually did was roll her eyes at everyone who looked at her sideways. Needless to say, she’s pretty sure she strained an eye muscle, if that’s even possible. Her mom would know, she could always just ask her. 

Damn, her mom. What was she going to think when she found out that Clarke snuck out of her “dorm” to climb on top of the observatory? She’ll definitely be pissed, but she’ll probably be more worried than anything. 

Because, who in their right mind climbs seventy five feet with just a rope and shitty harness? Clarke, that’s who. These sleepless nights are starting to become a little overwhelming. She just wanted to be closer to her father, which just so happened to be the highest point around. 

And considering she wasn't feeling like getting mauled by a wild animal, she chose to go up instead of out. Lexa had always told her she had a little bit of a rebellious side…

“Ms. Griffin,” Director Everglade announced. Loudly if she may add, like c’mon man, I would like to keep a tad bit of dignity. “Ms. Griffin,” he repeated. 

“Oh! Sorry sir, I was...lost in thought.” Way to go Griffin, score one for this generation. 

He said nothing more until both he and Clarke were seated. “Ms. Griffin, I am not one for formalities, so I am going to cut to the chase.”

Before Director Everglade could say anymore, Clarke interrupted him. “I just want to apologize right now, and tell you to yell at me and say I am ungrateful of this amazing opportunity. Yeah...oh! And please call me Clarke, Ms. Griffin is my mother’s name,” she tried to laugh off the nerves she got from his unimpressed gaze. 

“Am I allowed to continue, Ms. Griffin?” Wow, okay, he always was a hardass, but damn. 

“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir,” Clarke apologized again. 

“Stop saying you’re sorry and just listen!”

Clarke didn't even bother with responding to that, she knew “I’m sorry” would slip out and make things worse for her. 

“What you did was irresponsible, irrational, and just plain stupid.” Director Everglade removed his glasses, setting them in front of him. “I feel as if you would like to explain,” Clarke opened her mouth and closed it when Everglade held his hand up. “I don't want to hear it. The board wants you gone, Ms. Griffin. 

“Since you have been here, there have been more accidental spills with chemicals, staff rebellion, and the amount of people questioning authority has increased. I don't want to put the blame on you, because it could be a crazy coincidence. Although it is unlikely, it is possible. So, either you straighten up and act professional. Or you pack your things a leave.”

Clarke was expecting more, waiting for him to continue, but the silence was too much for her to handle. “So I can leave?” She shouldn't have sounded so excited at the possibility. She could actually go home and act like none of this ever happened, just pick up where she left off. 

“Yes, you can either go or stay.”

Clarke stood, ready to tell Director Everglade she was done, that she was going to run to the love of her life and never look back. 

If this is what she wanted to do, why was she still motionless? Oh right, because she and Nyko had worked too hard for her to be selfish and go home. Then again, she could act like nothing happened and pretend she hadn't left to do something that would make Lexa fall in even deeper love with her. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke makes her decision, kind of...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, sorry for there being such a long wait, but posting should be a tad bit more regular bc I have a desk job and nothing happens the entire 5 hour shift

Nyko found Clarke sitting on her bed, her suitcase open, but empty, and a sad look on her face. Director Everglade had just given her the only she has wanted since day 1. A way home. Clarke wanted to be with her family again! Back in good ole Polis, living a normal teenage life. One with parties and sex with her amazing girlfriend. Not one of thirty page reports and proposals, speeches until her voice is gone, and stress out of the roof!

“I can practically see World War III going on inside your head,” Nyko tried to lighten the mood a little, but wasn't very successful. 

Clarke looked up at him and scrunched her brow together. “What do I do?” she pleaded for someone, other than herself, to give her a step by step on how to deal with this. 

“You do what you think is right, Clarke. But just know that we are only here for a little longer. I can feel it. Before long, the Woods’ Constellation will be officially named.”

“Yeah, well you said that the last three times we spoke to the board,” Clarke rolled her eyes and walked over to her closet. 

“Yes, but this time is real! I don't know how I know, I just do. I can feel it with every fiber in my body. We  _ will _ be heard this time.” Nyko said it with so much conviction, Clarke almost believed him. 

The last three times they proposed their idea to the board, they got a lot of, “while it would be a nice idea, we cannot hand out every possible constellation in memory of a fallen. I miss Mr. and Mrs. Woods tremendously. They were a great asset and even greater minds, but we need more convincing that this is the right thing to do before we designate a place in our solar system for them.”

Which was like a slap in the face because shit, you could have just said yes and we wouldn’t have to keep doing this little dance of ours. I mean, they say they need more convincing which pretty much means yes anyway…

“Nyko, I am so grateful for this opportunity, I really am, but I can’t just run away from the people I love like you can.” As soon as she said she knew it was a mistake. 

“I see, so you’re leaving I take it? I understand.” 

“Nyko, wait!” Before Clarke could even finish her sentence Nyko was had closed the door.

“Damnit,” she cursed to herself. 

Y’know what? I’m going to prove Everglade wrong. I am not some high school screw up drop out. I am Clarke mother fucking Griffin, and my voice  _ will  _ be heard! Okay Clarke, stop talking to yourself, you’re freaking yourself out again. 

Clarke shook her head and put her most comfortable pair of jeans on, threw Lexa’s Harvard hoodie on, and hit the lab. 

There was really no point in her being there, it’s not like she had to do anything scientifical. Literally all she was there for was to learn a career’s worth of practical astronomy in a year. She would use that knowledge of astronomy to build an argument as to why she and Nyko deserved to name a random asteroid belt, the Woods’ Constellation.  

The lab always helped her think though. NASA nerds were more helpful then they knew. Even though all they did was ramble on about a sample of this and a sample of that and if Area 51 was really real and how aliens would look if they came to earth and all that good stuff, it was still a good place to just think. The constant buzzing reminded her of the hallways at school, y’know, back when she was a normal teenager. 

Oh! And on top of learning all that shit about practical astronomy, Clarke was also having to finish out her high school career. Granted, she only had to complete half a semester's worth of credits, thanks to her taking a ton of Dual Enrollment and AP courses. Taking those classes had allowed her to have 28 high school credits, when all you needed is 30 to graduate. She decided to go with English as her only remaining classes, since she loved to read and write. 

That is what she was doing now, finishing up her final paper for English. It had to be a minimum of 5,000 words, all about the meaning/interpretation of dreams. Seems like it would be an easy topic. Given that she had already written three other papers on the interpretation of dreams, she had to narrow her playing field a little. Which meant she had to find another way to bullshit her way through an A paper with C level material. 

All in all, life wasn't really too terrible, the only major thing had to be not being able to tell Lexa why she was there. If she told her and they were not able to pull this off, it would crush her. But, if Clarke told Lexa then it would make this whole process five hundred times easier. 

She was tired of lying to her girlfriend. They’re not “big lies” like they’re nothing serious. It’s just when Lexa asks “how was your day?” Clarke can only answer with, “Y’know, boring NASA stuff. Looking at stars and doing a shit ton of physics and chemistry.” When in reality, Clarke didn’t really have to do much with either. She mainly stayed in her dorm, reading books and writing docet proposals. It’s a lot more exhausting than you might think. 

The only thing keeping her alive is the gym downstairs. She’s been going everyday since she first came to NASA. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday were her focused workout days. Monday being legs, Wednesday arms, and Friday abs and back. Tuesday’s and Thursday’s were yoga days, and the weekend was cardio. She got a full body workout everyday, while staying limber. She had never been in better in her entire life. 

Another thing that kept her sane was a group of her favorite NASA nerds that she planned overnight hiking trips with, at least once a month. Without these people, she would literally pull her hair out. They make everything tolerable because they share her desire to go home. While Clarke was here to get a bizarre idea approved, Abigail, Sarah, Alexa, Ben, and Lalo were all there on early admission internships for college. They were all freshman this year, but had to complete at least a year long internship before they were allowed into their into their advanced astronomy programs at Harvard. 

“Yo, where are we going this time?” Sarah came up behind Clarke, dressed up in her water color lab coat, and gave her a good slap on the back. 

Clarke flinched because she wasn’t expecting anyone to sneak up on her like that, but she should be used to it by now, Sarah does it all the time. “Uh, I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it much.”

“Well I have, and I say we go to Kootenai National Forest. It’s a ways away from this hell hole so I’m not sure if the busses will take us. We might have to rent a car.”

“Okay, sure,” Clarke answered distracted. 

“Maybe we’ll see some hot guys and we can camp out in their tents,” Sarah tested.

“Okay, sure.” Clarke answered again, this time highlighting something in the paragraph she was reading. 

“I might be able to get something green to liven the trip a little bit,” Sarah drug a seat up beside Clarke and looked over her shoulder. 

“Yeah, okay.”

“Clarke? You don't hear a word I’m saying do you?” 

Clarke looked up from her work and looked at Sarah with a long face. “Not really. I’m sorry, I’m just a little distracted.”

“Well I’ve already pulled a chair up, so why don’t you go ahead and tell me about it?” Sarah pulled two donuts out of her backpack and offered one to her friend.

“Where…” Clarke took a double take, first at Sarah and and then her backpack and then sarah and the donuts. “Y’know, I don't even care at this point,” she said before taking the chocolate glazed donut with sprinkles.

“I stole them from the cafeteria this morning.” Sarah said, taking one bite and almost engulfing the entire thing. “So, what’s up, why are you all poopie?”

“For someone who had Harvard, Yale,  _ and  _ Columbia fighting for you, you have a way with words.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault I’m the best up and coming astrophysicist this country has ever seen,” she shrugged.

“Mhm, ‘best’,” Clarke said around air quotes.

“Stop trying to change the subject and tell me what’s wrong.” 

Clarke finished her donut and took a deep breath. “Director Everglade told me I could leave without repremandment.”

“You aren’t actually considering it are you?” Sarah practically scoffed at the idea.

“Yes, I am actually.” Clarke said matter-of-factly, but at Sarah’s disappointed face she changed her wording. “I miss my friends and family, like all the time! Ninety percent of the time, all I want to do is run home to my mom and girlfriend so we can go and surprise my friends with a trip to our beach house and drink the night away! I’ve never been away from home this long and I’m beginning to pull my hair out at the thought of missing prom and graduation for a project that I’m not even sure will make.” Clarke let out an exasperated sigh. The more she thought about it, the more appealing leaving sounded. 

“What about us?” Sarah asked, hurt filling her eyes but her face remained cold. “What about the friends who love you here and dread the day we all go our separate ways? What about all of those nights we played hide and go seek in the lab? Or all the hiking trips we’ve taken? Or all of the stress tears we’ve cried?” 

Sarah cleared the frog out of her throat and kept going. “You have people who love you here, Clarke. I know that pales in comparison to people you have known your entire life, but people like me, Abigail, Ben, Alexa, and Lalo have a hard time finding friends because of how smart we are. I mean, I don't mean to brag, but it’s the truth. We are so lucky to have found each other and when you came along and were just as smart, we kind of recruited you to be a part of the gang.” 

Sarah shrug her shoulders and let a tear fall down her face. “We love you, Clarke. When we leave here, all of us will stay together, but you’ll be seven hours away!”

Clarke was taken aback by Sarah’s emotion’s. She was probably the toughest of the group, including Lalo and Ben. “Sarah? Where is all of this coming from? I mean, I know but you’re crying? You never cry?” Clarke tried to laugh it off and it helped a little bit, not much though.

“I’m on my period okay? You know how emotional I get on my period,” Sarah sniffed.

“Ah, that explains the donuts as well…” Clarke gave the other half of her pastry to Sarah to try and cheer her up. 

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Clarke answered, she stood up and wrapped her arms around Sarah’s back to hug her from behind. “I’ll think about it some more, okay?”

“Promise?” Sarah asked, with a mouth full of donut.

“Promise,” Clarke reassured. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lemme know what you think!!!!!!!!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry guys, i know i havent posted in forever and i know this story has kinda gone to shit. part one was definitely a good one, but this one is lacking in something and i havent quite figured it out yet

Clarke, all she could think about was Clarke. That’s all she’s been able to think about since the last time she visited her. No matter what she did to distract her, all that ever passed through her head was her daughter. 

Ever since she got the call from Director Everglade, though, her rebellious little blonde filled her head at night. All Abby did was worry that Clarke was out there, in the middle of nowhere, getting mauled by a pack of coyotes or climbing the observatory again. 

Yes, Clarke was a big girl and could take care of herself, but all she did was worry. It’s not normal for a mother to have to be away from her daughter for so long, or at least, not with them. Abby often wondered how Raven managed to stay away from her mother for so long. It would break Abby if Clarke stopped calling every night. Then again, it’s a totally different situation. 

She should call Clarke. Yeah, she should definitely do that for the third time today. 

Abby picked her phone up and found Clarke’s contact. She hesitated before she hit call. Clarke mentioned that she and her friends were going on another camping trip. If Abby called, she would possibly be interrupting her time with her friends. Then again, if something has happened, and she doesn't call, no one will know to go help. Then again, if she did call she might make Clarke mad. The last thing she wants to do is make Clarke mad. Then again…

_ No, put the phone down. It’s past midnight anyway.  _

_ Holy shit, it’s already past midnight. I need sleep, try to get sleep.  _

**12:48am**

_ Don’t call Clarke… _

**1:06am**

_ Abby...don’t do it, it’s late _

**1:53am**

_ Do. Not. Call. Her. _

**2:37am**

_ It won't hurt to make sure everything is okay.  _

Abby slowly rolled out of Marcus’ grip and went into the kitchen. 

“Mom?” A sleepy Clarke answered the phone, yawning into the speaker. 

“Hey, sweetie. Did I wake you?” Abby knew the answer, she could hear it in Clarke’s voice. 

“Yes, actually. Is everything okay?”

“Yes, honey, everything’s okay.”

“Well then why are calling so early? Isn’t it like 2:30?”

“It is, but I figured since you suck at sleeping, and you’re out with your friends, you would be awake. I mean it is only 12:30 there,” Abby reasoned. 

“We hiked eight miles today, we were all exhausted so we decided to skip the campfire tonight,” Clarke let out another yawn.

“Oh, okay. I guess I will let you get back to sleep then.”

“Are you sure everything is okay? You sound sad.”

Abby took a deep breath and choked down the lump in her throat, “I just miss my baby.”

That hit Clarke’s heart pretty hard. “I miss you too, mom.”

“Well, I’m going to let you get some rest. I love you sweetie.”

“I love you too.” Clarke reluctantly hung up. 

Abby set her phone down on the counter and opened the refrigerator. Good thing Abby was off tomorrow, because she knew she wasn't going to be falling asleep anytime soon, so she decided to make herself some warm milk and honey. 

Abby tensed up and then relaxed when strong arms wrapped around her waist from behind. “Was that Clarke?” Marcus asked, kissing the top of Abby’s left shoulder. 

“Yeah, I really miss her,” Abby admitted. 

“I know you do. You have the day off tomorrow don’t you? And you don’t have to go in until nine the next morning, why don't you fly out there?” Marcus suggested, he was always looking for ways for Abby to see Clarke. Once, when she had two days off, he called Clarke and they arranged a surprise trip for Abby. He said they were going to dinner and ended up taking her to the airport with a two-way ticket to Montana. Kane had even packed her a bag with all of her necessities. 

“I would, but Clarke and her friends are on another hiking trip.” 

“Do you want to stay up for a little bit? Watch some TV?”

“You should go to sleep, you have a team coming in tomorrow, don't you?” Abby turned around looped her arms around Marcus’ neck. 

“Yes,” he said, lowering his arms to around her waist, “I do, but they won't be there until nine.”

Abby stood on her toes and gave Kane a sweet kiss. “I love you.”

Kane smiled and placed a kiss on Abby’s forehead, “I love you more.”

“I don't think that’s possible…” Abby took his hand and led him to the couch where she turned on the TV and pulled up Netflix. “Pick something out, I’m going to finish making my milk. Do you want anything?”

“No thanks, I’m okay.”

Abby walked back in the kitchen, still thinking about Clarke, but also thinking about how madly in love she was. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if there is anything you want to see in this part and i will do my best to work it in.


End file.
